Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
