i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
