Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
