Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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