that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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