You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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