Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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