So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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