So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
