Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
