Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
