Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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