I love black thongs
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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