I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
