I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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