it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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