I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
