you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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