Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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