Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
