i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
