You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
