I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
