from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
