whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
