he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
