in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
