Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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