Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
