My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
