Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
