there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
