someone threw a dead crab at me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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