No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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