Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
