Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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