you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
