saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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