On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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