So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
