Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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