I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
