You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
