I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
