You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
