Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
