sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
