I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
