it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
