I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
