could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
