Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
