How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
