i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
