Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
